The Opportunity Presented Itself

It was right in front of me. And I’m not talking about a fleeting moment; this thing lasted minutes. I could have done it. Actually, there were a number of things I could have, should have, done but I wimped out.

What was I supposed to do? My heart was racing like a jackhammer. Can you imagine what would have happened if I had done anything and the beating of my heart gave me away? That would have been a mess.

As it stands, or seems to stand, I may have done more damage by not doing anything. Of course this damage could be a good thing in the long run. Like I wrote earlier, it could have been such a wrong thing yet such a beautiful thing.

Those are the cases most of the time. Wrong but beautiful.

Who knows; the situation may present itself in another manifestation at a later time. I wouldn’t consider this opportunity to quit after one miss.

Oh brother! I am such a mess. I’m writing like if I had taken the chance and did what I wanted to do, I would be better off.

And we should all take note at how incredibly incorrect that choice was and continues to be.

Placed In A Holding Pattern

Today I called the business I had interviewed with over the phone and told the boss that I would not be pursuing employment there for the foreseeable future. No, I told him that I was still interested in it but my spouse was having great hesitation feelings about the ordeal. So that’s done with and over. Something that I felt strongly about (moving on to this new company) has been shot down because we don’t see eye-to-eye in the home.

Now I’m staying with the job I’ve had for the last five years. Where once there were almost two hundred people on board, now number less than ninety. I seriously don’t know how much longer our company can function with two full timers. (myself and my boss)

You’ve traveled this far with me on this odyssey. Let’s see how far we go right?

Now That It’s Over

The weekend was nice. It’s enjoyable to get out of the house and go somewhere. There are days/weekends when it doesn’t matter where a person goes; just that they get out makes the difference. I was able to get out this past weekend. I have one more weekend before my job starts back up after a month-long break. I suppose I’m looking forward to it. The people I will be working/serving have mentioned their excitement about getting back together. We shall see.

Remember this other job opportunity that I had mentioned before? I took part of a telephone interview with the powers-that-be there. The next day, the boss called me and invited me to come and share a little bit at their organization. (they’d fly us out or pay for the gas) I really want to join this new team. However, as I’ve said before, there are some road blocks (or maybe bumps) in the way. And I’m not one hundred percent sure if this is the correct path. If I desire something so strongly, does that make it correct? I suppose not if we’re talking about lusting after something to where it consumes my thoughts; waking and sleeping.

I’m not sure who I can talk to about this either. I’m pretty sure how my spouse feels about it. We’ve already had the discussion a few times but I want to talk with someone else. It can drive a person crazy if they don’t have a sounding board to bounce ideas off of without the fear of someone opening their mouth and telling all their friends about it. In my position, that’s always a strong possibility.

Not Looking Good

I am going to get myself into so much trouble. If I continue down this dash of a line that is supposed to be a highway of life, I will self-destruct. I’ve heard that people in my line of work will sometimes sabotage their careers because of the pressure. I’m not sure if I can put my finger on a pressure point (outside of the typical).

But what I’m doing now, specifically in my mind, will bring me to ruin. And it doesn’t have to. That’s the kicker in each case isn’t it. I don’t have to toe the line. I could turn around and make the right choices. But I can’t. I’ve convinced myself that if I change, if I make opposite choices, I will end up losing everything.

It’s almost like gambling with the Mob; no matter the outcome, the poor shmoe is going to be shot.

The thing that’s going to really boil your buttons is I don’t want to change. I enjoy this. I’m enjoying the conversations and the banter. I enjoy the attention, the anticipation, the expectation. This is all going to destroy anything that I considered my life.

You who’re reading this. Put yourself in my place and tell me how you would react. You ask, “I have no clue what you’re talking about in this post.” So let me help out just a little.

You’ve made choices, decisions that if you carry them out to completion, people are going to despise you. But if you turn around, your life may never be the same.

Help?

Easy Choices

When are the decisions we make ever easy? I thought I had worked things out with this possible job change. I had made all the appropriate contacts. And when I had it all figured that, barring any unforseen events, we would be moving. That’s all down the toilet now. My spouse informed me, after I talked about traveling to interview, that moving away that far isn’t in the best interest. Basically I’m screwed. I was on the telephone talking like I was ready to visit this new company within the next couple weeks. I get off the phone and run head first into a brick wall of denial. “No no no, I really don’t want to go there.” Thanks for being so up front and letting me know exactly how you feel before I made the call. Maybe a better option would have been to say something like, “No, I don’t think we should pursue this course of action” before I made the phone call! These little games of being non-committal are driving me insane. Just give me a flippin’ yes or no! Don’t give me “sure” or “I don’t know” answers!!! I hate those!!!!

Now that I’ve vented about my spouse on the Internet, I suppose I should feel shame…but I’m just too angry to feel that right now.

Now we’re probably back to square one. This current job will not be able to afford us for much longer, I want out of here, but my sigificant other “is just now making friends”. It’s taken a whole five years to do that, for crying out loud!

I’m ready to leave!!!

Holy Absence, Batman!

It has been a while since my last visit to paretsam’s weblog. The quick reason is because I was out-of-state and had numerous responsibilities keeping me busy. But the return has occurred. Things can return to normal.

Except for the news that I may be moving. MAY be moving. I’m scheduled for an interview that will, once again, take me away from my home. The date for this interview is not scheduled, but I’m positive it will happen.

Thoughts on this possible job/location change? It’s a stark two-way road. I’ve really wanted this job since before I graduated from University. It would give me the opportunity to expand and grow. A big plus is the idea that my responsibilities would become more focused on one task. (quite a large task, however) The other side is the individuals I’ve come to know at my current job; I am truly in love with a few of them. They have become real friends and not the kind that you see only at work and then shyly nod when you see them in public. Even though our ages may be offset by a few years, I enjoy spending time with them. I think I will miss these characters the most if I were to leave. Maybe one more than the others and that could be an issue.

An issue not yet for this post.

Of course, there’s always e-mail and AIM – but like I said before, it just isn’t the same.

Decisions will need to be made and hearts could be broken. Will it be the right choice? Will it be the correct choice?